Let Me Tell You Who I Am

So powerfully written...

"I have three kids, not two. My first son died. There, I said it. I know you may not want to hear it. Neither do I, yet I have to say it over and over and over again to slowly wrap my mind around the incomprehensible truth. My son is dead.

It might make you uncomfortable for a moment, yet I am uncomfortable for a lifetime. Either I pretend he never existed, for your comfort, or, to my own discomfort, this new life of mine comes with dreaded and sometimes hostile reactions; blank stares, awkward silences, big eyes bugging out of shocked faces; or worse, looks of despair, pity, shame, judgment; even, turning of backs, that walk away, leaving me in mid-sentence of my pain. Or, worst of all, altogether ceasing to be my friend, upon discovering that, I am a bereaved mother.

Let me tell you how it feels to have my son deleted, his existence denied because it makes people uncomfortable to hear he lived and he died.

I am a bereaved mother, a grieving quasi-supermom; I straddle time and space. You might feel pulled in two directions, but let me tell you how it feels to be pulled between heaven and earth, as a mother to an angel and a mother to two living, breathing, laughing little boys. A mother to the living and the dead."

- Angela Miller

To read the entire article, over at Still Standing Magazine, click here.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nathan

(His hat was made by Calvin's Hats.)

The Thing About Grief

This is so true. Coming up on Nathan's 2nd birthday... I find myself trying, once again, to shut out the negative thoughts and negative memories from that day. Just when I think I'm at a place of peace and finished with a particular "stage of grief", it always surprises me when it sneaks up again. I suppose it always will...

http://smallbirdstudios.com/2013/07/14/the-thing-about-grief/

Footprints

I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing this shared. It really puts into perspective how beautiful and perfect children are... even at such young ages.

On a side note, if you have a moment and some change to spare... please consider donating either money or stamps to Calvin's Hats. I truly cherish the hat they made me for Nathan.

The Proof of Their Existence

I thought this was beautifully written...

"I will not let anyone define my son or my grief for me. I don’t care if people think that I should get over him and I don’t care if people think I do not grieve for him hard enough because I am happy. Whatever people think of me is none of my business, nor is it my issue. I live a beautiful life, sure, it’s not perfect, in fact in some areas it’s quite broken, messy and disorganized, but it is beautiful. I honour the life of my son by living my own life in the best way that I can and in truth, living this life in an incredible honour and so I live it to the fullest with him, right there in my heart." - CarlyMarie

To read the entire article at Still Standing Magazine, click on this link: http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/07/the-glow-the-proof-of-their-existence/

Free Journal Offer

Journaling can be very therapeutic. In the beginning, after my loss, I couldn't physically talk "in person" to anyone about Nathan or what I had experienced. I began my healing by journaling on my blog and corresponding with people online, through various support groups. If you are in need of a journal, check out the link below. While I haven't ordered a journal from them, both my boys memory boxes came from Paper Coterie. I had a very good experience with both the quality and customer service.

http://www.papercoterie.com/blog/e-summer-block-party/

Perinatal Hospice and Memory Box Programs

Shared via Sawyer's Heart: "THIS is why all memory box programs and Perinatal Hospice should be fully supported in EVERY SINGLE HOSPITAL. Until then, we have a lot of work to do. Please take just a few moments to watch the story of Erin - and learn about how incredibly important it is for her mom and dad to parent their baby girl."



I received an email from Randolph Hospital today and they are out of memory boxes again. I'm going to have to, very quickly, gather a second set of boxes for them in the next week or so. While I'm glad that I'm able to do something in Nathan's memory, I hate when the boxes actually have to be used... especially this quickly. If you have anything you would like to contribute to the boxes, please let me know.