Let Me Tell You Who I Am

So powerfully written...

"I have three kids, not two. My first son died. There, I said it. I know you may not want to hear it. Neither do I, yet I have to say it over and over and over again to slowly wrap my mind around the incomprehensible truth. My son is dead.

It might make you uncomfortable for a moment, yet I am uncomfortable for a lifetime. Either I pretend he never existed, for your comfort, or, to my own discomfort, this new life of mine comes with dreaded and sometimes hostile reactions; blank stares, awkward silences, big eyes bugging out of shocked faces; or worse, looks of despair, pity, shame, judgment; even, turning of backs, that walk away, leaving me in mid-sentence of my pain. Or, worst of all, altogether ceasing to be my friend, upon discovering that, I am a bereaved mother.

Let me tell you how it feels to have my son deleted, his existence denied because it makes people uncomfortable to hear he lived and he died.

I am a bereaved mother, a grieving quasi-supermom; I straddle time and space. You might feel pulled in two directions, but let me tell you how it feels to be pulled between heaven and earth, as a mother to an angel and a mother to two living, breathing, laughing little boys. A mother to the living and the dead."

- Angela Miller

To read the entire article, over at Still Standing Magazine, click here.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Nathan

(His hat was made by Calvin's Hats.)

The Thing About Grief

This is so true. Coming up on Nathan's 2nd birthday... I find myself trying, once again, to shut out the negative thoughts and negative memories from that day. Just when I think I'm at a place of peace and finished with a particular "stage of grief", it always surprises me when it sneaks up again. I suppose it always will...

http://smallbirdstudios.com/2013/07/14/the-thing-about-grief/

Footprints

I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing this shared. It really puts into perspective how beautiful and perfect children are... even at such young ages.

On a side note, if you have a moment and some change to spare... please consider donating either money or stamps to Calvin's Hats. I truly cherish the hat they made me for Nathan.

The Proof of Their Existence

I thought this was beautifully written...

"I will not let anyone define my son or my grief for me. I don’t care if people think that I should get over him and I don’t care if people think I do not grieve for him hard enough because I am happy. Whatever people think of me is none of my business, nor is it my issue. I live a beautiful life, sure, it’s not perfect, in fact in some areas it’s quite broken, messy and disorganized, but it is beautiful. I honour the life of my son by living my own life in the best way that I can and in truth, living this life in an incredible honour and so I live it to the fullest with him, right there in my heart." - CarlyMarie

To read the entire article at Still Standing Magazine, click on this link: http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/07/the-glow-the-proof-of-their-existence/

Free Journal Offer

Journaling can be very therapeutic. In the beginning, after my loss, I couldn't physically talk "in person" to anyone about Nathan or what I had experienced. I began my healing by journaling on my blog and corresponding with people online, through various support groups. If you are in need of a journal, check out the link below. While I haven't ordered a journal from them, both my boys memory boxes came from Paper Coterie. I had a very good experience with both the quality and customer service.

http://www.papercoterie.com/blog/e-summer-block-party/

Perinatal Hospice and Memory Box Programs

Shared via Sawyer's Heart: "THIS is why all memory box programs and Perinatal Hospice should be fully supported in EVERY SINGLE HOSPITAL. Until then, we have a lot of work to do. Please take just a few moments to watch the story of Erin - and learn about how incredibly important it is for her mom and dad to parent their baby girl."



I received an email from Randolph Hospital today and they are out of memory boxes again. I'm going to have to, very quickly, gather a second set of boxes for them in the next week or so. While I'm glad that I'm able to do something in Nathan's memory, I hate when the boxes actually have to be used... especially this quickly. If you have anything you would like to contribute to the boxes, please let me know.

Why You Didn't Fail As A Mother

Shared via Still Standing Magazine: "I see you walking this path of life you’ve been given where every breath and step apart from your child is a physical, emotional and spiritual battleground— a fight for your own survival— a fight to quiet the insidious lies. But the truth is – you haven’t failed at all. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. You are the mother of all mothers. Truly the most inspiring, courageous, loving mother there is – a warrior mama through and through. For even in their death you lovingly mother them still." ♥

http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/06/why-you-didnt-fail-as-a-mother/

Explaining Cremation to Young Children

Wow... I wish I had had this article the first time Cameron ever asked about where Nathan's body is. So far, I've managed to steer the conversation away and on to other things. (He asked again the other week, when we went to visit his PawPaw's grave.) It might be wrong and make me a "chicken" but I've never known how to explain it to him without scaring him. If any of my baby loss friends are going through the same thing... read this article. Now, I have an answer that I'm comfortable with the next Cameron asks.

http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/06/explaining-cremation-to-young-children/

Father's Day

Shared via Still Standing Magazine: A beautiful article from Sean Hanish, the Director and Writer of Return to Zero. http://reconceivingloss.com/essay-for-men/


Shared via CarlyMarie: Here is The Still Project Father's Day Google Hangout video. What an amazing hour! Thank you to all the brave men who spoke so honestly about what it is like to be a bereaved dad on Father's Day. Many thanks to Carrie and JP for making this special event a reality.




To all the Dads out there, especially those of you who are dreading Father's Day this weekend, we send you all our love and peace.

Vista Print Groupon

I just bought one of these. If anyone would like to buy one as a gift... I can use it to have our brochures, cards and business cards printed. :-) Thank you!!

http://www.groupon.com/deals/vista-print-42-piedmont-triad

Return to Zero

I've signed up as a local leader and I'm hoping that others will also. I think they've chosen a fabulous cast and I'm excited about this film! Below is an update from Return to Zero and a sneak peak of the film and cast.

"UPDATE: THANK YOU for helping us reach 925 LOCAL LEADERS! WE HAVE POSTED THIS NEW VIDEO for our last push for LOCAL LEADERS! PLEASE SHARE! We need 75 more Local Leaders in the next 11 hours and 45 to make our goal! Here's your first glimpse at RETURN TO ZERO...

Mother's Day

Whether you hold your child in your arms or in your heart, I'm wishing you a Happy Mother's Day. For those who are struggling with infertility, I remember those days as well. I'm thinking of you and praying that your arms are filled soon.

This month over at Still Standing Magazine, CarlyMarie wrote about how broken Mother's Day is and how she believes we can heal the day by using our voices in a peaceful, loving and meaningful way. To read the full artical click on this link, http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/04/healing-mothers-day/. This article is in honor of you. You can find more information at International Bereaved Mother's Day.

Second Donation Drop Off

I wanted to share some pictures from our second donation drop off earlier this week. Thank you so very much to our friend, Mat Anna for the GORGEOUS blanket/pouch sets. Aren't they beautiful?!?!

My little boy, Cameron loves helping make the angel boxes

for the babies like his little brother, Nathan.

Still Project

Shared via CarlyMarie - This is so, so important. As a community, it is my belief that we can all get behind this AMAZING project. If you purchased a Christmas Butterfly from me back in November or December last year you actually made a contribution to the production of this very much needed film. Like their Facebook page, STILL Project, and share this film trailer. Speak about it and say it out loud for your precious babies! Each story told, each baby remembered... they matter! For more information visit their website: http://stillproject.org or their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/StillProject

A New Year

I know things have been quiet on here for a while. I apologize for that. We are fundraising, organizing and in the process of getting a donation together. More information and pictures will be posted soon...

I pray that 2013 will be year filled with hope and good memories for us all.