Let Me Tell You Who I Am

So powerfully written...

"I have three kids, not two. My first son died. There, I said it. I know you may not want to hear it. Neither do I, yet I have to say it over and over and over again to slowly wrap my mind around the incomprehensible truth. My son is dead.

It might make you uncomfortable for a moment, yet I am uncomfortable for a lifetime. Either I pretend he never existed, for your comfort, or, to my own discomfort, this new life of mine comes with dreaded and sometimes hostile reactions; blank stares, awkward silences, big eyes bugging out of shocked faces; or worse, looks of despair, pity, shame, judgment; even, turning of backs, that walk away, leaving me in mid-sentence of my pain. Or, worst of all, altogether ceasing to be my friend, upon discovering that, I am a bereaved mother.

Let me tell you how it feels to have my son deleted, his existence denied because it makes people uncomfortable to hear he lived and he died.

I am a bereaved mother, a grieving quasi-supermom; I straddle time and space. You might feel pulled in two directions, but let me tell you how it feels to be pulled between heaven and earth, as a mother to an angel and a mother to two living, breathing, laughing little boys. A mother to the living and the dead."

- Angela Miller

To read the entire article, over at Still Standing Magazine, click here.

Still Project

Shared via CarlyMarie - This is so, so important. As a community, it is my belief that we can all get behind this AMAZING project. If you purchased a Christmas Butterfly from me back in November or December last year you actually made a contribution to the production of this very much needed film. Like their Facebook page, STILL Project, and share this film trailer. Speak about it and say it out loud for your precious babies! Each story told, each baby remembered... they matter! For more information visit their website: http://stillproject.org or their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/StillProject

Private Practice and Baby Grayson

Some people, on one of my support boards, were talking about this story and the latest Private Practice episode. I've never watched that show but I got on Hulu and watch the latest episode and oh boy, did I cry. I also watched baby Grayson's video, on their personal blog. He is beautiful! That baby was... IS... so amazingly loved. Yes, the pictures that show his exposed head and his "defect" are a little difficult to look at but after I saw it... I was drawn to his precious little face and completely overlooked everything else. People who haven't "been there" will just never understand (thankfully). Sometimes it feels like we, as parents who've lost a baby, are beating our head against the wall... expecting a different reaction from those around us. But that said, we ARE making a difference every single time we share our babies' stories. Out of 10 people we share our stories with, if at least 1 person is changed and moved by it... then that person will tell someone else and maybe they will be changed... and so on. Eventually, society will stop "shunning" us and allow us the respect and support to grieve the loss of our babies. 

Here's the link to baby Grayson's story, which features a link the Walker family's personal blog... Facebook Deletes Baby Pictures, Family Outraged